The 2012 American Music Awards, otherwise known as the AMAs, were held last night and… if an awards show takes place in a vaccum and nobody’s around to witness it, did it really happen? We don’t know. But attendees sure as hell tried to make us remember the red carpet.

Despite a mostly bleak guest list, red carpet fashion was a thrill. A cheap, dirty, illicit thrill. Here’s Taylor Swift, Nicki Minaj, Christina Aguilera, Carrie Underwood, Ke$ha, Justin Bieber, Pink, PSY and many more in an impressive collection of very bad things…

We’ll start with No Doubt because the ’90s kid in us loves Gwen Stefani a lot.

…The freethinking adult in us, however, hates this bra-exposing double breasted jacket, paired with the very Victoria Beckham combination of skintight leather pants and ankle breakers.

This is, hands down, the weirdest thing Carrie Underwood has ever worn. Insofar as it is not glittery and beige, we think it’s something.

Insofar as it is everything else, it’s terrible.

This looks more like the Carrie Underwood we know: a modest gal at the debutante ball with extra glitter (this was the red carpet arrival look, the blue thing was for the ceremony and afterparty).

Here’s Brandy! Her makeup is nice and her shoes are atrocious. Remember the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack?

Carly Rae Jepsen does what 25-year-old stylists like to call “old Hollywood glamour.”

Fuck it. If you’re one of the .05% of people in the world who can wear chartreuse (like Nicki Minaj apparently), you should. Sorry not sorry.

Taylor Swift might have pulled off chartreuse with her new fake tan but this boring embellished mini is more to her tastes. She’s pop now, ya’ll.

Ke$ha looks different. Like if she took a shower and dressed up as Gwen Stefani. Maybe? What’s going on here?

Justin Bieber looked ridiculous. Leather shirt? Spiked red loafers (that are probably Louboutins)?

Stacy Keibler did her legs thing. So much embellishment last night.

Pink wore what appears to be lazer cut pewter. Since we’re grading on a steep curve here, it’s actually fine and an interesting color.

Kerry Washington looked exquisite in yellow. We’re not crazy about the peach pumps or fringe (ever) but those don’t change anything.

We don’t understand PSY‘s leather jacket but he’s still holding it down with the wingtips. Also, why did he perform with Hammer?!

Ginnifer Goodwin‘s dress isn’t quite flattering but the real problem here is the Tammy Faye lashes.

Hayden Panettiere‘s dress feels very standard for an awards show of this kind, but we appreciate the small risk she took with the pink lipstick and otherwise minimal makeup. The bold lip/naked face thing is more of a summer look, but she pulls it off nicely.

We don’t like Heidi Klum‘s dress, but her babeliness cannot be denied. Look at that leg!

Amy Heidemann (of Karmin) is known for her ridiculous hair, but now she can be known for ridiculous dresses too. PS NO MORE PEPLUMS PLEASE.

Jenny McCarthy did Pink hair and a glittery skirt and one of those Lanvin tiger belts. Okay.

Presented without comment.

We’re going to go out on a limb and say The Gloss is probably more into The Wanted than One Direction. But at least 3/5s of these jackets are preposterous.

We didn’t think it possible, but this might be the worst Christina Aguilera red carpet blunder of her adult life.

(All photos via Wenn)