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You guys, my bosses are making me find the best-dressed of the MTV Movie Awards 2014 red carpet, and I don’t know what to do! As you’ve seen, the MTV Movie Awards reliably generates one of the most heinous red carpets of the year. It’s inexplicable. The event draws out famous, fashionable people, but they dress like utter loons. There are cut-outs and peplums and glitter and neon and giant blocky shoes and festoons of chiffon, sometimes all on the same person. How am I ever going to weed enough good looks out of this mess to make up a best-dressed list?

Trying to find the best-dressed among the attendees of the 2014 MTV Movie Awards is a lesson in embracing flaws. It’s very zen. Just take a deep breath, lower your standards, and let’s look for the points of light in the darkness.

Shailene Woodley 2014 MTV Movie Awards - ArrivalsShailene Woodley has been on a roll lately. This leather Balmain outfit makes her look like a sexy space gladiator, but in a good way.

Jessica Alba 2014 MTV Movie Awards - Backstage And Audience

Jessica Alba kept it relatively simple in this Kenzo top and poofy skirt. It probably wouldn’t be a show-stopper on another red carpet, but the silhouette is fun and the colours are great, and at an event where Rihanna shows up in a bathrobe it’s terribly easy to snag a spot on this list. Her shoes look like scary alien eyes peering up her skirt, and they’re going to give us nightmares.

2014 MTV Movie Awards - Arrivals

Lupita Nyong’o‘s crazy Chanel is either too much pattern or just shy of too much pattern, but if she were standing in front of a less busy background it would be great. Except the shoes. The shoes are distracting from all the hard work her face is doing.

Nyong’o is also wearing some elegantly understated jewelry by Vita Fede.

nicki minaj 2014 MTV Movie Awards - Arrivals

Whoa, look at Nicki Minaj! She looks like a queen in this simple, sexy, Alexander McQueen dress and intense jewelry. The simple makeup is unusual on her, but it’s fantastic.

Amanda Seyfried 2014 MTV Movie Awards - Show

Amanda Seyfried‘s Saint Laurent suit makes her look like she is starring as Cher in Clueless: The Musical! (Someone out there, please make Clueless: The Musical! happen.)

Arden Cho 2014 MTV Movie Awards - Arrivals

Fine, Arden Cho. You get to be on our best-dressed list in your weird nude cut-outs. Are you happy now?

2014 MTV Movie Awards - Arrivals

On this red carpet, boring and inoffensive counts as a win. Is Ellie Goulding wearing black shoes under there? Nevermind, I can’t even look.

(Photos: Getty)