Remember when somebody made a new music video for “Drunk in Love” using only emojis? Don’t act like you didn’t watch it a thousand times. (And if you didn’t, at least lie. Make me feel better about the two thousand views that came from me alone.) Anyway, it looks like Beyoncé herself is a fan, since she’s just released new t-shirts that seem to be a giant nod to the viral video. Available for preorder on her official website, you have your choice between two tees: one that references “Drunk in Love” with, of course, emojis riding surfboards, and one that plays homage to her song “Blow” with pictures of cherries. They’re only $40 each! And nothing says “raunchy lyrics about monogamous marital sex” quite like iPhone emoticons!
The internet is full of novelty t-shirts that you can wear once and then never look at again, but these ones take the cake. Not since that $400 polo shirt that looked like Kanye West spilled mustard on it have we seen such an inventive, overpriced, and unnecessary piece of fan merchandise. The cynical half of me wants to be like “they’re not even cute” and “someone got paid a shit ton of money to design these and I could have done it on Microsoft Word,” but the wide-eyed Beyoncé fan inside my heart wants to buy one. At the very least, these shirts will be hilarious in like fifteen years. I can’t wait until someone has to explain to their teenage child 1) what an emoji was, 2) why everyone was so obsessed with them, and 3) what it means to “turn that cherry out.”