Cast of The Bling Ring movie

Hey, betches! Sofia Coppola‘s The Bling Ring premieres at Cannes today! The film, which stars Emma Watson as the Worst, is based on a true story about a group of shallow people who robbed richer and more famous shallow people. Zeitgeisty!

Anyway, guess what that means? Horrible early/mid ’00s fashion is back! Did you miss whiskered jeans? Louis Vuitton Murakami bags? Purse dogs? Ever-present Frappuccinos? Unapologetic venality? Paris Hilton being marginally relevant?

Hopefully you didn’t. But let’s take a stroll down the worst kind of memory lane with our carefully considered Bling Ring-inspired shopping guide.