While watching the Emmys last night, The Gloss staff noticed a startling new micro trend: hiding your womanly breasts at all costs. While we saw some bangin’ curves from the likes of Christina Hendricks and Tina Fey, some high profile ladies opted to hide their breasts behind oddly constructed bodices and rounds and rounds of medical tape.
Fey and Hendricks play up their assets without hiding anything, but that was hardly the case for everyone last night. Come with me and let’s objectify some boobs.
January Jones has a fantastic body, so why is she wrapping it up in that corset thing? When I think about her boobs being smashed into her body like that, I feel (A) like a huge creep and (B) totally sympathetic to what must be a hugely painful situation!
There’s a lot that can be said about Amanda Peet‘s goth-pixie-goes-ice-skating dress, but the top section just flattens her into a block of sadness.
Carrie Preston‘s flat, straight-across strapless number looks like a prison from which flattened breasts are screaming to get out.
I’m not knocking women with small breasts (thank you boob-god for giving me the strength not to say knockers)—just look at how great smaller-busted Claire Danes (or the afore-mentioned Tina Fey) looks!
And this certainly has nothing to do with people who bind their breasts to explore/change gender. But these are women with racks who used packing tape to shutter them inward until they looked like surfboards for what I think is a sinister reason: to look thinner and more waif-like. Ladies—aren’t we past the point of hiding our parts?
Do you need to look at some Emmy boobs? QUICK: here’s Sofia Vergara.
Photos: Getty Images.