Last week, as editor-in-chief Jennifer Wright and I were figuring out content for the now-current theme week, we were listing off dozens of trends relegated to memory: acid washed jeans, shoulder pads, bell bottoms. In doing so, I realized all trends were objectionable. Which left it very difficult for me to write about a trend I’d like to see revived.
The problem with reviving a trend is that more often than not, the wearer suffers. By which I mean, if you opt for a recently-faded trend, you appear hopelessly out of fashion. If you reach further back and try, say, an ’80s trend (stirrup pants and oversized sweater), it looks kitschty/costumey. If you reach even further back, say, cigarette holders and pillbox hats, those pieces become an affectation. Think about it. When was the last time you enjoyed talking to someone with a pipe? Unless that person was an elderly tobacconist, you were probably annoyed.
And then I thought, wait. What about trends that serve a practical purpose? My first inclination was, “Foot binding!” But then I thought about it for a while and was all like, nah, human feet are gross no matter how little you make ’em.
After much soul searching, I finally came back around to a subject that’s never very far from my thoughts: how much I hate the sun. I am reminded of this derision each morning as I slather my limbs in SPF70 and am reminded again when I repeat the process around lunch time. If only there was a better way…
There is! Liberation comes in the shape of a parasol, that slender, frillier version of the more utilitarian umbrella. Rather than bore you with facts and history and lame shit about parasols, I’ll just admit that when I Googled “parasol,” Wikipedia wasn’t the first thing that came up and then I got bored. But I will tell you this: it’s my understanding that parasols block approximately 100% of the sun, keeping your skin safe from its seemingly bottomless bloodlust.
Unfortunately, a modern woman can’t venture out in public toting a parasol unless she wants to end up here. So, imagine if a great designer like Nicolas Ghesquiere or Rei Kawakubo breathed new life into the parasol, updated it with modern materials and unexpected textures, streamlined the silhouette… like what Karl Lagerfeld did with clogs, only not horrible. Before you know it, Hanne Gaby would be winking under one for the cover of ID and soon after, they’d litter the streets. And I’d probably only have to apply sunscreen once a day.
That’s why, for Bring Back the Trend week here at TheGloss, I’m nominating parasols.