Look, I know we’re not allowed to say this, but they are, aren’t they? They are ugly. I know that at charity events you praise the bag when they tell you it’s made out of recycled materials – I SEE YOU DOING IT – and you tell them you’ll use it all the time – but hah! You won’t! Because if you showed up to work in it people would all wonder why you were carrying some sort of hemp bag with words on the side. Let’s just put that out there and be honest with ourselves.

Now I’m not a designer so I don’t know the designer thought process that goes into making a handbag but in my imagination designers sit at a table and say “I think I should make a bag that is somewhat tasteful and I think it should look good with people’s outfits and I think hardware should be involved.” That is what they say. They say it all in little Mugatu voices, then they assassinate the prime minister of Malaysia.

Rock on, designers.

However, when they’re making bags to support a charity, I guess the thought process changes to “let’s make everything out of hemp. Hemp is amazing but only in this particular charity situation, not any other time. Then lets slap a word across the bag so everyone can know that the person carrying it wants to smugly display what a good person they are. That won’t make them look like show off jerks who need to use a handbag to prove they’re a decent human being.”

Why? Because they got hit in the head by the prime minister of Malysia? Doesn’t it seem like you’d be more likely to buy a bag for charity that looks like an attractive, normal bag. Why can’t they make attractive, normalish bags. If we need to celebrate the charity, couldn’t the name be tastefully imprinted on the inside of a bag that’s not made out of hemp?

In conclusion, all bags for charity look the same. And they look bad. Why is this a good idea?