We’re taking Sarah Jessica Parker‘s birthday week very seriously over here, in case you were wondering. Her most famous character, one Miss Carrie Bradshaw is a fashion icon (as is Parker in her own right), and Sex and the City was, for better or worse, a formative show for all of us over here.
Later that day, I got to wondering about Carrie Bradshaw’s style choices and how she became a fashion icon in the first place. From my point of view, she would grab everything from a box of costumes from a canceled Broadway production and call it an outfit. Are we all just blind? Is Bradshaw’s fashion icon status an elaborate prank on all of us? What is the nature of time and space itself?
Let’s go through some of Carrie Bradshaw’s worst sartorial moments, and pick the definitive winner (or loser).
1. The Elongated, Stuffed Peplum Of Our Nightmares
What do you think she has in there? Cotton candy? Tissue paper? Furniture batting?
2. The Cowboy Hat/Crop Top From Hell
The arm band really makes this poetry.
3. Pamela Anderson’s Wedding Dress
Eat your heart out, Georgia O’Keefe.
A t-shirt and extremely long, extremely poofy skirt is the optimal choice for a day at a crowded open air market.
5. That Tie. That Hat. Help Me.
Jaunty! Excuse me, I need to be revived by a doctor.
6. SVU’s Version Of A Streetwalker
So, that’s a velvet tube top and underpants, right?
7. The Fanny Pack Chronicles
Make sure you don’t miss out on that hat she’s holding in her hand. This woman rivals Christina Aguilera in terms of jaunty hats.
8. The Cinched Waist
I guess we should all be really impressed by her commitment to her cinched waist.
9. The World’s Least Powerful Power Suit
What fuckery is this? She looks like the butler at a children’s tea party.
10. That. Belt.
I guess a bra would be too much to ask for once you’ve picked that belt out.
Photo: Sex and the City (HBO), Sex and the City (2008), Sex and the City 2 (2010)