dior fall 2014 shoe

We are suckers for high-end accessories, but Christian Dior just sent out shoes so ugly we think it’s a practical joke.

Every Paris Fashion Week we look forward to the Christian Dior ready to wear show. But this season, while we were enthused about the bright colors and swingy shapes Raf Simmons would have us wear this fall, we found ourselves distracted by some of the accessories. Not the structured, candy-colored crocodile handbags–though we can see where those would be covetable had we thousands and thousands to drop on a handbag–because we were too distracted by the shoes. The ugly, ugly shoes.

Ugly shoes have been a running fad for a while now. There’s no other way to explain Birkenstocks and Tevas at Fashion Week. But the ugly shoe trend has at least had comfort going for it until now. These are not only hideous, they look extraordinarily painful.

dior mustard shoe fall 2014

This pair looks like what happens when you put too much mustard on a sandwich.

While we haven’t quite accepted that the pointy-toed shoe is back in full force, we recognize that it is definitely happening. But we never thought we’d see the day someone would take all of the uncomfortable elements of a pair of pointy-toed stilettos and modify them with the squishy ugliness of our neon running shoes, without bothering to adopt any of the comfortability.

dior boat shoe

This doesn’t just look like a boat. It looks like a branded, Dior boat. And while we are wilo accept the pointed toe, we are holding our ground against the kitten heel. Someone must resist, and this is a hill we are willing to die on.

These shoes are clearly not intended to be timeless treasures that one will wear for years. Everything about them says “flash in the pan.” They’re designed to be one-season shoes we wear for the novelty and a bit of street style bait, and then will bury by October. But that doesn’t mean they’re priced like disposables. These will likely come close to $1,000, if they don’t go over. We’re not in the business of telling other people how to spend their money, so if you’ve got that kind of dosh sitting around and really want someone to take your picture this fall, go right ahead and buy yourself a pair of these shoes. They’re pretty funny, and you’re sure to get a good, $1,000 laugh out of them. So will the rest of us.