I’m going to tell you a little secret that I don’t tell many people: every time I drink Diet Coke, it gives me digestive problems. Every single time. And usually, I don’t realize that Diet Coke’s to blame until a few days into a fresh DC kick. Like, “why do I feel these sudden, shooting stomach pains every day in the afternoon after I’ve had a Diet Coke pick-me-up OH.”

So for me, the new Jean Paul Gaultier Diet Coke bottles, which he designed as new creative director of the company and are made to resemble some of his trademark looks, probably won’t make me drink any more Diet Coke than I usually do before I realize that it is literally making me sick and likely doing irreparable damage to my intestines, both large and small.

My own gastronomical challenges aside, though, the bottles are also supposed to be inspired by Madonna, which is reflected in the ad campaign — a campaign that I find confusing, at best:

See? The woman in the ad is scrawnier than Madonna has ever been, and her face is super-imposed with Gaultier’s, which is weird, and her outfits look more H&M than cutting-edge boundary-breaking (which, for you young’uns, is what Madonna once stood for):

Then again, I can’t speak for everyone, and so I ask you: will you drink more DC now that it looks sort of like a mash-up of a tame Madonna and a perfume bottle?

Photos via Buzzfeed