photo: Getty

Drew Barrymore with Stephen Spielberg. photo: Getty

Happy birthday, Drew Barrymore! Today, your favorite actress to watch at 1990s slumber parties turns 39, celebrating a full thirty years of snark. Because for this girl, the tabloid body shaming and outfit outrage started right around age 9, when she was already a bonafide star.

Nevermind the fact that she can’t shake the “wild child” label, despite a successful career of rom coms and action movies that could make Julia Roberts jealous. Let’s talk about her undeniably bangin’ body and signature style, and the mean things people have said about it.

photo: Getty

photo: Getty

Dressing a pregnant body for the red carpet seems more stressful than giving birth. The requisite hand under the belly pose alone is super awkward. Drew just said “fuck it” and wore a dreamy floral tent, and everyone hated it.

photo: Getty

photo: Getty

To be fair, coming off a hipster fashion inspiration juggernaut like Grey Gardens may not be the time to perch a sea anemone on your hip. Critics were split on if this was one of the best or worst looks of the 2010 Golden Globes. Nude is always a bold move, but this dress makes her body look slammin’.

photo: Getty

photo: Getty

I bet you three pairs of designer shoes that if Kate Bosworth wore this dress to the Whip It premiere, everyone would have loved it. But put an adventurous yellow and black lace dress on Drew, and it’s a fashion disaster. Drew can work a busy dress, and the bob and peachy lip are totally on point.

photo: Tumblr.com

photo: Tumblr.com

Gucci’s sex appeal is apparently not for curvy women. Drew Barrymore’s boobs were so bodacious that she later issued an apology for sullying the brand’s skinny girl rep with her awesome rack at the 2006 Golden Globes.

The 40th Annual People's Choice Awards - Backstage And Audience

Ellen Degeneres called her fat for wearing this billowy cream dress at the People’s Choice Awards. While pregnant. Ellen, light of my life, fire of my TV, why must you pick on a pregnant lady?

A Special Washington, D.C. Screening Of "Big Miracle" - After Party

Joan Rivers said this one was “so ugly Newt Gingrich no longer wants on open marriage.” I have absolutely no idea what that means, but it doesn’t seem applicable to this dress. Oversized prints are awesome.

photo: Getty

photo: Getty

It’s very orange, but clearly it wasn’t all bad or Jennifer Lawrence wouldn’t have worn a white version by Dior three years later. So, showing boobs in Gucci is bad, and hiding boobs in orange is also bad. Drop waists = fashion and Joan Rivers is dumb.

Drew Barrymore 2009 Golden Globes

I just can’t even deal with anyone putting this Dior gown and undone 60s bouffant on a Worst Dressed list. Another look that left critics split, and probably would have fared better in the press on someone without Drew’s enviable curves. Drew’s bod looks phenomenal in this off-the-shoulder gown, and it takes some serious bombshell power to work a grey dress.

Drew Barrymore 1995

photo: Fanpix.com

Looking adorable in a sexy slip dress everyone hated at the Batman Forever premiere. It was the 90s, everyone dressed like this. Gwyneth Paltrow wore similar dresses by Calvin Klein and made it on every single Best Dressed list. Gross injustice.

photo: Getty

photo: Getty

I did not even know Alexander McQueen made casual minidresses, but this is a great look. Lauren Conrad would be all over Pinterest in this outfit, complete with beachy ombre waves. Drew got called a homeless person.

The moral of the story is that fuller figured (relative to Hollywood standards) women are not allowed to take fashion risks, which is really sad. Drew Barrymore is a fashion chameleon who has worn everything from stunning gowns and retro bombshell bobs to iconic 90s trends like brown lipstick and baggy jeans, and still can’t get half the respect for her fashion choices as waifish pastel aficionados like Gwen and Kate. I for one love seeing how couture looks on different bodies, especially ones as gorgeous and healthy-looking as Drew.