The Post reports that “Prom has gone porn.” Shopkeepers say that “for prom this year, girls want short and poofy or long, tight-fitting, with everything cut out — the sides are gone, the back is gone, the front is basically gone.” Anyhow, the Post commentators are handling this exactly the way they always do because they are horrible people and possibly undiagnosed schizophrenics (“They dress like horny s(l)uts and then wonder why they get assaulted. Most are just morons!” “If you got it flaunt it ? More like if you got it SELL it ! Ho ho ho , that’s they way to go .Look , for 40 years women have accepted abortion as birth control. HO ho ho”)

But, weren’t prom dresses always kind of slutty? A lot of them, anyway? And to be fair, if you’re going to wear a dress with the front gone, the back gone, and the sides gone, you’re probably going to look better in it at 18 than you will at any other point in your life.  You’ll never look good in anything “short and poofy” but that’s not news, either.

Still, I can’t help feeling that there are going to be tons of opportunities later in life to slut it up. And slut it up in way better outfits. It’s called “your twenties” and “every time you go out to a club.” But there are going to be far fewer opportunities to wear a gown that makes you look like a pretty, pretty princess. Because, later in life, if you start showing up to things in a floor length strapless gowns people are going to turn to their friends and mutter “Jesus, is she off to her high school prom?” Barring the fact that you’re banking on attending a lot of black tie galas and the Costume Institute Ball, there just aren’t all that many floor length gown occassions in grown up life. Just something to consider. And otherwise, just make sure you invest in some good double sided tape.