Model Jade Bryce attends Spike TV's "Guys Choice 2013" at Sony Pictures Studios on June 8, 2013 in Culver City, California.  (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images for Spike TV)We’ve often said the worst place for a red carpet is a music awards show (looking at you, Grammys). We’ve occasionally amended that to say the only thing worse is a country music awards show–last week’s CMT’s being no exception.

…But really, the truth is this: the worst red carpets are those for ladmag events (and ladmag-related enterprises, such as the television channel equivalent of a ladmag). Last night saw Spike TV‘s “Guy’s Choice” Awards, and it was presumably free of lowfat yogurt, tampons and meaningful bonds built through communication and sensitivity. #GuysChoice

It was not free, however, of genuine Fashion Disasters. Behold:

Model Jade Bryce attends Spike TV's "Guys Choice 2013" at Sony Pictures Studios on June 8, 2013 in Culver City, California.  (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for Spike TV)Wow. That’s a spicy meatball.

You are looking at model Jade Bryce–we’ve never heard of her (we let our FHM subscription expire) but according to Google Image Search, she usually doesn’t wear clothing, which may explain her apparent confusion. This is one of the worst red carpet looks we’ve seen in a long time. Worse than Mollie King’s impressively ugly ‘illusion dress.’

Here’s a view from the back:

Spike TV's "Guys Choice 2013" - Red Carpet

So, in the interest of not being a hyperbolic bastard, here’s a dozen things that are wrong with this (besides, of course “everything”).

-The midriff cutout
-The fishnet across said midriff cutout
-The leopard print (did her publicist not know about the leopard carpet?)
-The peplum (obviously)
-The non sequitur ‘Old Hollywood glamour’ hair
-The pile of gold bracelets and bangles
-The false eyelashes (this lily’s been gilded elsewhere enough)
-The hemline (the dress is already skintight!)
-The fit (it’s already a micro-mini!)
-The competing statement necklace
-The spikes adorning said statement necklace (get it?)

And, last but certainly not least, -The shoes:

Model Jade Bryce attends Spike TV's "Guys Choice 2013" at Sony Pictures Studios on June 8, 2013 in Culver City, California.  (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for Spike TV)Which could probably account for half that list on their own.

(Photos via Getty)