It’s Christmas Eve so I’ll try to be nice. It’s only charitable, right?

Dear Paris,

You’ve really flown under the radar lately (except getting busted for coke, but it’s okay, it’s not like you did Larry King or anything after) and I just want to say I appreciate that. I love when I almost forget your exist. It’s like a gift.

I appreciate that… your hat… is shielding your face from the sun. Sun damage is terrible. Skin cancer, also.

I really appreciate… your flats. They look inoffensive!

As for your monokini with strategic cut-outs and faux-snakeskin cover-up and over-processed hair, well, Happy Holidays, Paris. And keep out of the snow!

(Image: Bauer-Griffin via Jezebel)