Books are very important, especially for small children. The books we read as babies shape the way we view the world and the people we will grow up to be, and, most importantly, how we will dress. Here’s our 100-percent scientific and completely accurate analysis of what your favorite children’s book says about your personal style.
1. The Rainbow Fish
If your favorite children’s book is The Rainbow Fish, your friends would describe you as a “Champagne socialist,” but you prefer “bourgeois bohemian.” You think we would all benefit if society were more equal and everyone had a good education and books to read and a safe place to grow up and the same chance to succeed, but you also like antique sapphire earrings and want haute couture ateliers and Champagne and $350 tasting menus to continue to exist. You are elegant and refined and all your jewelry is antique or looks it. You don’t understand why people pay $800+ for a chunky plastic bracelet with Louis Vuitton logos on it. Honestly, you don’t understand the appeal of Louis Vuitton at all.
2. The Very Hungry Caterpillar
You are like half a glass of wine away from eating an entire wheel of very good cheese, and you’re OK with that. Honestly, once you passed the quarter-way point on that cheese, its utter destruction was a foregone conclusion. You couldn’t have people see that you ate a quarter of the cheese wheel by yourself, so you’d just have to eat the whole thing so that people wouldn’t know the cheese ever existed. Then you will have a delicate arugula salad in homemade dressing and feel virtuous. You are virtuous! Taste is a virtue. All you want out of life right now is to get drunk and watch Downton Abbey in your nicest pajamas, but life keeps getting in the way of that. Screw life.
There is nothing in your house that you cannot or will not cover with gold leaf. If you could live in the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles, you would probably add more mirrors. Then you would put on a cape and just roller skate from one end to the other.
4. The Snowy Day
You love the athleisure trend and the fact that sneakers are fashionable now. The most expensive thing you own is a winter coat, and you have your eye on one stuffed with swansdown, tested by baby penguins, and guaranteed by arctic explorers. You’re one of those people who looks really great without makeup, and you perfected the ponytail in 7th grade.
5. Frog and Toad Are Friends
You love tweed. And corduroy jodhpurs. And those cool English riding boots with the contrasting tops. You also love old lady stuff like scarfs and brooches. When British people talk about how they can tell Kate Middleton is rich but middle class and not actually an aristocrat, you can tell what they’re talking about, and you don’t disagree. (Though you’d never say so.) You’re still trying to perfect your messy ponytail.
6. One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish
You never met a pattern or a color that you didn’t like. You dress kind of like a hippie, but it works for you. You’d wrap yourself in velvet if it were socially acceptable. (Velvet is actually very on trend this season, so wrap away.) For all your love of embroidery and beading and handmade lace and embellishment, you’ve definitely walked a hole into your shoes without knowing it, and you’ve certainly worn a shirt inside-out for a solid day at least once.
7. The Monster at the End of This Book
You have such a thing for fandom T-shirts. A dress that looks kind of like a Dalek, or at least like Iron Man, is definitely your jam. You unquestionably own Wonder Woman underwear. Everyone loves your hair and your glasses.
8. Goodnight Moon
You literally do not have time for any of this shit. There is too much to do and nothing will ever get done. Your day is scattered into little bits of time as distinct and useless as confetti. You don’t know how you’ll sleep, let alone do things like exercise, do laundry, or floss your teeth like a goddamn grow-up. And why does your shirt say “Hand wash”? Who the fuck are you kidding, shirt? You’re not getting hand-washed. If you get laundered at all it will be a miracle. It doesn’t matter how often you’re worn, it just matters that you do not actively have toothpaste on the front of you. “Hand wash” my ass. Ugh. You love mid-century decor, though.