Earlier today, my dog decided to bury her new, raw marrow bone in between the cushions of my couch. I’m sure that made perfect sense in her mind — not having a yard to dig up, she wedged the bloody, fatty knob deep into the crevice of her adopted bed.

As one does.

And so, here I am, thinking about new couches. I’m probably not going to buy one — rather, I’m going to disinfect the one I have and hope for the best (if you have “health hazard” or other disparaging comments about that, I don’t give a fuck, just to put that out there), but even so, if I were to replace my couch because of it’s recent befouling, here are some I may have considered: