Oh, Vogue. How you misunderstand everyone in the world who doesn’t live in a five-story townhouse on Manhattan’s Upper West Side. How you tailor your columns and articles to people whose lives make no sense whatsoever — no sense given the current economy, no sense given any economy, no sense given basic decency. And that’s why you run articles like “Hostess Gifts for Under $100.

I mean, I get that at this point you’re nothing more than a book of fairy tales, and that’s fine — there’s a place for fiction in the world. But I think it’s also important to take your fanciful ideas and make them into something that’s applicable to people other than Anderson Cooper, and that’s why I’m posting a counterpoint to your whimsical notion that anyone other than the top .05% of the country’s wealthy would buy any hostess a gift that costs more than $15.