Yesterday I took you on a tour of important moments in Chav Fashion. Eagle-eyed (or just British) readers noted the lack of Jodie Marsh, UK glamour model and media personality (whatever both of those things mean). The more I looked at photos of Marsh, the more I realized that she’s not really chavvy, just  mind-bogglingly tasteless and transparent in her urgent want of press and, more importantly, she needed a whole gallery to herself.

So, after sifting through endless amounts of Marsh photos, I’ve assembled a list of helpful tips to dress for any occasion, inspired by the applied wisdom of Jodie Marsh. I call this advice “magical” because 1) it is completely false and made-up by me and 2) it is in fact fucking magical.

Let’s learn stuff now!

Also, please note: none of the photos contained herein are necessarily NSFW (no actual nudity), but if your boss doesn’t want you looking at pictures of a woman who wears a studded belt as a shirt, you might think twice before proceeding.