The 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards are nigh. Yes, Hollywood’s second biggest dog and pony show is coming to your living room at 8:00 PM eastern standard time and, starting now, The Gloss will be your one stop shop for the much-scrutinized Golden
Globe Awards red carpet. We’ll be updating this post with all the pretty, pretty dresses (and hopefully lots of ugly ones to keep it interesting) over the next couple hours.
As these things tend to happen, the people who cover the red carpet show up first. Sorry this is boring. Al Roker tried to make it marginally less boring with… plaid?
Well, that was really weird.
Maria Menounos opts for the sparkly neutral thing she always does. How many more of these dresses will be see tonight, do you reckon? One dozen? Two dozen?
Julianne Hough in a “frothy confection” as we’re supposed to call it. Standard red carpet fare with a regrettable pompadour. Edgy?
We’re going to say Nicole Richie has the first interesting look of the night. Granted, we wouldn’t say it’s a successful use of interesting, but we appreciate that she didn’t wear the same sparkly Marchesa thing that everyone else will wear. Also. Blue eye shadow? And a fringed clutch.
Giuliana Rancic wore a high-necked gown with lots of neck embellishment, which we know to be “on trend” this year. It strikes us as too costume-y.
Kelly Osbourne donned a strapless beige mermaid number. Feel like we’ll be seeing a lot of sideswept hair this evening.
Downton Abbey‘s Michelle Dockery wore a peculiar cream gown with a golden neck. Again, expect lots of interesting stuff going on around the necks of famous people this evening.
Debra Messing added some sparkle to her Donna Karan with layers and layers of bangles.
Claire Danes in that very of-the-moment bright orange-red.
Isla Fisher needs to high five her makeup artist because everything from the shoulders up is stunning. The dress is sparkly and neutral, naturally.
Lena Dunham in eggplant Zac Posen, which seems to be wearing her.
Megan Fox carrying the night’s pale pink strapless torch.
Carla Gugino‘s patwork metallic halter is… really weird?
Hayden Panettiere. Since everyone is dressed the same, let’s just hashtag this shit: #neutral #strapless #mermaid …We always appreciate a huge smile, though.
Alyssa Milano in citrus with turquoise jewels.
Ariel Winter is 14, so she gets a pass.
We’re going to take a moment to get real pervy and say, “Day-um, Amy Poehler.” She doesn’t normally do foxy but we’re into it.
Okay, hear us out: we’re not crazy about the silhouette of Lucy Liu‘s massive person-eating gown, but… that print is gorgeous.
Oh my god, Jennifer Lopez. No. No. No.
Rosario Dawson snags the dubious honor of biggest peplum.
Nicole Kidman may have it for weirdest dress of the evening. Hair looks lovely, though.
Nooooooooooooo! Rachel Weisz looks astounding from the waist up and… so goddamn silly from the waist down.
Liking Anne Hathaway‘s elegant ivory Chanel.
Jennifer Lawrence opts for Christian Dior couture, in that same orange-red shade we’ve seen all over red carpets for the past few months.
We kind of like Olivia Munn‘s Giorgio Armani. It’s different, it’s interesting, it fits her terrifically.
Emily Blunt opted for a collision of heavy lace and sex-appeal. We’re never crazy about cutouts.
Jessica Alba wears a very typical RED CARPET GOWN! but… man, she looks fantastic in coral.
We know a demon spirit has possessed Lea Michele if she isn’t showing miles of clavicle or thigh. So, everything’s normal here.
Kate Hudson: horrible dress, fantastic hair and makeup. She looks radiant from the neck up.
Jennifer Garner in shimmery red.
Amanda Seyfried wore… a tie bar?
Halle Berry positively dominates the worst dressed category in Atelier Versace.
We don’t like the droopy fit of Jessica Chastain‘s baby blue column but holy shit that’s a beautiful color on her and her makeup is flawless.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley bounced into the ceremony on one leg. Everything about this is dreadful–the leather cumberbund, the cravat.
Kristen Bell is super pregnant and dressed appropriately. Pale lavender is a lovely color on her.
Sofia Vergara only does one thing: skintight and sparkly.
But! She knows what works for her, so who are we to criticize?
Lifetime Achievement Award recipient Jodie Foster gets a super shiny neckline, too.
Adele does her standard awards show thing: sleeves, empire waist, beehive, cat eye.
Kerry Washington can do better. This is weird.
Allison Williams is doing that very patrician glamour thing.
Anjelica Huston… uh. We loved you so much in The Witches.
Salma Hayek knows what works for her. She’s a sparkly bombshell in Gucci.
Emily Deschanel donned some cool football padding…
Heidi Klum‘s legs, everyone!
Julianne Moore looks great… pays to be friends with Tom Ford.
Helen Mirren, looking hot, like always.
Katharine McPhee did too much of everything: too plunging, too high a slit, too much hair, etc.
Kristen Wiig looked beautiful, for sure, but this dress seemed… awkward.
Or are we being charitable because it’s 11:23 at night?
Thandie Newton wore a bizarre mini dress and pink sandals. We don’t understand a single aspect of this.
Julianna Margulies was a layered lace explosion.
Ah, let’s end the evening on Helena Bonham Carter, who is always… reliably… Helena Bonham Carter.
We forgot Sienna Miller! She snuck by all the red carpet correspondents! Also, her dress was weird.
We also missed Naomi Watts. She’s had so many strong recent showings on the red carpet that this feels a little too staid.
(All photos via Getty)