Hahahaahahahaahahahahahaahaha. Ha.

Oh, God, no, now I’m crying.

Gosh, the wardrobe essentials Gwyneth Paltrow has picked for Net-A-Porter cost as much as the down-payment on a mansion. Or a three bedroom in Manhattan. One of those two things.

The Telegraph says:

we wish we had Gwyn’s willpower/ house/ life/ and more realistically her bank balance, because this spring’s edit is comprehensive to say the least comprising a whopping 545 items across eight trends: Everyday Punk; Pretty Pastels; Prints and Pattern; Shorts, Dressed Up; Maxi at Home ; Mini and Metallic ; Bright and Bold and Silk for Slouching.

No, really, I only wish I had her bank account. If I had a spare $458,000 lying around I think I would just live in my house for a year and maybe be naked and surrounded by attractive man-servants the entire time. Though, actually, I suppose I would probably like something from the silk for slouching line to go along with that.

Meanwhile, E! claims:

Sure, her $5,495 Valentino Rockstud python trapeze bag and her $850 Alexander Wang leather shorts would require many of us to take out a small loan in order to channel her springtime style, but we can definitely still find inspiration in Paltrow’s lavish looks!

Oh, my God, Bane and the entire sans culottes class also drew inspiration from these lavish looks. But, sure, yes, python bags are fun, you totally need silk for slouching, and sometimes I think it is possible that Gwyneth Paltrow has an elaborate assortment of blackmail photos of the editors of various publications to prevent them from pointing out that this is an insane amount of money.

Picture via Net-a-Porter