According to TheCut not even the American Apparel CEO wants to be a hipster anymore. Dov Charney recently remarked, “Hipsters are from a certain time period. The stereotype of a hipster is not something people aspire to anymore. Do you want to be a hipster? Nobody wants to be a hipster.” Wow. Dov finally got something right. Because, no, I’m certain I don’t want to be a hipster. But maybe that’s partly because I have no idea how to define a hipster, and just use it as a catch-all phrase for “pretentious people I dislike who wear a lot of American Apparel.” Here are a few of the basic traits that make me exclaim, “look at this fucking hipster!

1) You are doing weird stuff with your beard

2) You are wearing that shirt with the douche v-neck. You know the kind I’m talking about.

3) You are writing a novel which you keep under your bed because you don’t want to “sell out.” Said novel is not very good. You remark on its brilliance frequently.

4) You have a mullet

5) You only date Asian girls.

6) You live in Bushwick. Williamsburg, fine, maybe you just really like coffeehouses or something. Bushwick is the new Williamsburg.

7) You periodically exclaim things like “what’s cauliflower? I’ve never seen that before!”

8) You want to know what any of this has to do with Hegelian logic.

9) You can no longer remember if you genuinely like something, or just like it ironically. You’re not even sure you can tell the difference between the two anymore.

10) You are wearing American Apparel.

11) You are Dov Charney.

Anyhow, that’s basically what I look for. How do you define a hipster?