If you’ve ever read a ladymag or even seen one while in line at the grocery store, you know that every summer brings approximately one thousand guides promising to place you with the right or ideal or perfect swimsuit for your body type. They all boil down to what kind of fruit you resemble (apple/pear/ruler) (?) and really just exist to make women feel terrible about themselves (hide this/distract from that/conceal, etc) so they’ll continue on to page X for the latest celeb diet secrets. Since TheGloss is also a thing for ladies, we’ve decided to try our hand at the time-honored feature. This week’s Illustrated Guide will help you find that perfect swimsuit for your body, whatever that may be. You’re so welcome!