Poor Kanye West has lost his best man! BFF Jay-Z was Yeezus’ first choice to stand with him at the end of the aisle on his May 24 wedding to Kim Kardashian, but Jay-Z has allegedly pulled out of the wedding-themed circus because he thinks his family is too good to appear on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. We’d feel bad for Kimye, but Jay-Z isn’t wrong. Beyoncé and Blue Ivy really are too good for Kim’s TV show.
“Jay agreed initially but had one condition – under no circumstances can there be any reality TV shows filming him, his wife Beyoncé or daughter Blue Ivy during the ceremony,” an unnamed source told the Daily Star.
While we would give up our health insurance to be allowed to attend the baroque apocalypse Kanye is undoubtedly planning for his wedding, Jay-Z and Beyoncé are just too fancy to be associated with Keeping Up With The Kardashians. To be fair, that is a show where Kim lets strangers watch her have stretchmarks lasered off her boobs and has discussed at length her distaste for the way Kris Jenner‘s black toilet paper leaves black fuzz in her “vaj.” It’s not exactly Masterpiece Theater.
“The thought of popping up in KUWTK mortifies Beyoncé,” the source continues. “She purposefully keeps herself away from trashy TV and isn’t prepared to lower her standards for anyone, or any occasion.”
But the suits at the E! Network are shelling out millions to cover the Kimye wedding, so those trashy reality show cameras will certainly be in attendance. Kim has been trying to convince us that the wedding will be “small and intimate,” but we know from experience that Kim doesn’t always know what words mean, so we’re expecting a wedding to put Sean Parker’s $9 million Game of Thrones-theme extravaganza to shame.
But with Jay-Z too ashamed to show his A-list face in front of Kim’s trashy cable TV cameras, who will Kanye West get to be his best man? Maybe Givenchy designer Riccardo Tisci, who we expect to make Kim’s wedding dress. Or maybe he can hire Prince William. (Prince Harry would probably actually do it.) But if there are any bookmakers out there taking bets, we would like to put $100 on Kanye declaring himself his own best friend, because nobody loves Kanye as much as Kanye.