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Jennifer Lopez’s latest American Idol look is like one of those public service announcements at the end of old GI Joe episodes.

“Kids, look at me. Now you know to never mix metallics,” she’s saying. “And knowing is half the battle!”

The bronze metallic Lanvin blouse was not intended to go with the equally metallic burgundy bubble skirt by Vivienne Westwood, and the end result is so shiny and fall-themed it brings to mind a tinfoil turkey centerpiece on a Thanksgiving table.

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As beautiful as J-Lo is, this look is a lesson in how not to follow trends. Not only is she mixing metallic fabrics—which are still on-trend for reasons nobody can identify—she is also wearing that terrible, slicked-back hair look that has been a disaster on every single celebrity we’ve seen try it, from Amy Adams to Malin Akerman. It makes everyone look strangely balding, and it basically lets us measure how long it has been since a star’s highlights were retouched. (In JLo’s case, probably about six to eight weeks.) It hasn’t worked for anybody, and we have no idea why stylists keep trying to make this happen.

So next time you decide to wear something trendy, keep these rules in mind:

1. Don’t wear trends that make Amy Adams and Malin Akerman look bad. They won’t look good on anybody.

2. Don’t wear like six trends at once.

3. Just because metallic fabric is on-trend does not mean you must wear only metallic fabric. Try just one garment to start with.

The fact that the Brian Atwood shoes are the same exact caramel and burgundy colors as the shirt and skirt makes this look matchy-matchy like a musical theater costume.

(Photo: J. Sharma/Bruja,PacificCoastNews)