Many a pregnant celebrity has posed nude for a magazine cover, beginning back in the ’90s with Demi Moore. But now, someone has given the trend a curious twist: Julia Restoin-Roitfeld, daughter of French Vogue editor Carine Roitfeld, posed on the cover of i-D in lingerie, with a cape and a teddy bear.

As with all other naked pregnant lady covers, this is trying to juxtapose sexiness and motherhood (cliché, yet still, for some reason, always controversial), but because it’s i-D, it adds some in-your-face elements: the teddy bear drives home innocence. The seductive bra drives home sex, and the McQueen cape drives home the fact that this shoot was styled by the elder Roitfeld.

But I have to tell you, it’s not working for me.

First of all, I’m sorry, but I think the cape looks ridiculous. I’m sure it’s some important fashion statement that I just don’t understand, but frankly, I’m not sure that’s anything I want to understand. Second of all, she’s not really selling me on the “What box are you going to put me in NOW, WORLD?!” thing. She just looks kind of confused, and/or tired, and/or like because her mother styled her for the shoot, Julia doesn’t really understand what she’s supposed to be doing, either.

Listen, you can’t just hold a teddy bear up over your eye while being pregnant and rocking a bra and a cape and think that’s going to get you into the party for free. You have to own it. Julia, I’m sorry to say it, but you fell short.