It’s rare that we get a chance to recognize decidedly poor fashion choices of male celebrities (hi, WonkaMayer!). They tend to dress less interestingly than the female ones, thus giving them less of a chance to do weird shit with their wardrobes. Once in a while, though, some famous guy chooses a pretty horrendous item to pop on and we can even out the Fashion Disaster playing field. Today, that is Justin Bieber, and the item in question is his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad hat.
While this photo kinda weirds me out because everybody looks like they’re creepily mean muggin, it’s primarily Bieber’s hat that is ridiculous to me. Apart from being the only ugly shade of yellow, it is so large it looks Photoshopped on. Seriously. Look at it. It’s like Bob the Builder decided to get pouty after he finally discovered real trains can be total assholes.
I understand the stud thing: when you’re of a high school age and trying hard to shed an image of you singing a song called “Baby” (I had a crazy adolescence, OK?), you want to add something “edgy” to your getup. Unfortunately, studs rarely scream, “I am the next Sid Vicious”; typically, they just say, “My aunt got me a gift certificate to Hot Topic.”
Oh, and for those of you wondering if the hat looked better in the context of his own outfit…well, here.
Yeah, those are purple leopard-printed semi-Hammer pants with an oversized black shirt, turquoise undershirt and matching accented sneakers. Really, though, the pants and the hat are the stars of this absurd ensemble. Dear middle school boys everywhere: if you think dressing like this will get Stephanie to let you take her to the dance, it won’t. Don’t do it.
The hat has been highly criticized by Damon Lindelof, of all people. If that name’s not familiar, then you probably were one of those people who skipped over Lost. Lindelof, a writer for the now-ended show, spent a good deal of time yesterday tweeting about the horrors of Bieber’s hat. With comments like, “But seriously. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT HAT?!?!” and “‘But what if someone tries to STEAL MY HAT, yo?’ ‘Well, Justin, THEIR SHIT WILL GET SPIKED!!!’ (high-five, falsetto cry of victory)”, Lindelof seemed bizarrely angered by Bieber’s topgear. But I, too, understand being excessively pissed off by somebody’s stupid wardrobe item, so I suppose I can’t throw stones in irrational houses.