Why is it that so many actors and actresses think they can sing, yet so few are actually good at it? Is there some sort of hubris-causing bacteria in all the Schweppes soda that they are constantly drinking in a suggestive fashion on their divans? The latest in this long line of dabblers is Blue Crush star Kate Bosworth, who decided a commercial sponsored by America’s cotton producers would be the ideal place to test out her newfound interest in song.

I wish I could say she was a surprising breakout success, but her breathy delivery is a tad too reminiscent of that “sexy baby” voice some actresses have to not give me the creeps. It’s a shame, because if they’d let an actual singer sing the song, it would’ve been quite a fine commercial for natural fibers; Kate looks lovely in all one million of her bohemian cotton outfits, and the song is a nice little tune, as songs in ads go. Just goes to show not everyone can be Zooey Deschanel, who, it bears mentioning, appeared in a superior cotton commercial a while back. Upon first seeing it, the anger I felt when I realized I was bopping along to an ad jingle and not a new She and Him song was mitigated by Zooey’s quirky adorableness. I would not mind being the fabric of that girl’s life, let me tell you. By which, of course, I mean her closest friend , confidante, and partner in pretend record-browsing. Call me any time, Z.