kate-middleton-pregnantWelcome to 2014! Is Kate Middleton pregnant yet?

The Duchess of Cambridge only just had Prince George at the end of July, but already the gossip papers are trying to get her knocked up again. Entertainmentwise writes:

 It might seem like Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, only just gave birth to first child Prince George, but with Prince William admitting previously he wants at least two children, 2014 could bring a second royal pregnancy.

Lest this seem completely fucking ridiculous, one must realize that Kate Middleton has already completed one celebrity pregnancy cycle. She got pregnant, had a baby and showed it to us, then lost the baby weight and showed us her stomach. Now there is nothing left for her to do but get pregnant and do it all again for our amusement. (Kim Kardashian would already be on bump watch 2014, but she threw a wrench in the cycle by getting engaged, so she’ll get a wedding reprieve until the honeymoon, at which point we should start analyzing her for any sign of having gotten re-pregnantized.)

Apparently the idea that Kate Middleton will start Royal Baby Watch 2014 comes from the fact that last September, Prince William apparently said he wanted two children. That sounds normal enough, but Entertainmentwise points out that Pippa Middleton is just a year and seven months younger than Kate, and “if Kate went for a similar age gap we could see another pregnancy being announced in late Summer, for a 2015 birth.”

“If it was around a two year gap,” like that between Prince William and Prince Harry, “the Duchess would still be pregnant by the end of 2014 as Prince George will celebrate his second birthday in July 2015.”

Oh wait, this still seems completely ridiculous. Just because one royal baby news cycle was exciting does not make it OK to turn Kate Middleton into a walking potential pregnancy. If she wants another baby, she’ll likely have one, but the schedule is up to her and Prince William. Since she’s basically a princess, we can be sure that Kensington Palace will let us know when to start Royal Baby Watch 2. Until then, we can stop trying to ultrasound her abdomen with our magic eyes.