You know that awkward moment when you’re around two of your female friends and you’re all wearing nice outfits and you’re just like, Oh my god, how dare you? Yeah, me neither, because being three ladies looking nice in the same place doesn’t lead to spontaneous combustion, nor spontaneous competition. According to the Daily Mail‘s take on last night’s Dutch premiere for The Other Woman starring Leslie MannCameron Diaz and Kate Upton, however, women are just running around trying to upstage one another with hotness.

First, let’s do a quick rundown on the lovely outfits each woman wore.

Leslie Mann in Delpozo at The Other Woman Dutch premiere

Leslie Mann went with a cute, casually chic number from Delpozo. I don’t love how it fits around her bust, but I am such a sucker for fancy stuff that comes in plaid. I wish she’d gone with a pink lipstick rather than red, though.

Kate Upton in Christian Siriano at The Other Woman Dutch premiere

Kate Upton chose a gorgeous Christian Siriano dress that fit perfectly to her body, and her makeup and hair are to die for. Those shoes, though. Holy crap, they look uncomfortable, but I’m a wimp when it comes to heels.

Cameron Diaz in Dior at The Other Woman Dutch premiere

And finally, Cameron Diaz in a LBD from Dior. The Brian Atwood pumps were a great statement pair for the look, and her simple hair works well with it overall. Basically, all the women looked unbelievably beautiful in their respective styles. Hooray! Nobody fell! Successful premiere red carpet! And yet, the Daily Mail had to title their coverage of the premiere, “Here comes the bombshell! Screen siren Kate Upton upstages co-star Cameron Diaz at the Dutch premiere of The Other Woman.”

Can we all just talk this out for like, two minutes? Okay: 99.99% women are not constantly competing. The ones who actually imagine these scenarios and claim that all women are actually just in constant competition with them are usually jerks, and so are the men who perpetuate the “catfight” theory. So, by that right, Marc Andrews of the Daily Mail is probably a jerk.

In his piece on the premiere, he started by using the word “literally” incorrectly:

While all three sporting blonde tresses, it was Kate [Upton], 21, who provided the wow factor with a dress that literally defines the word ‘bombshell’.

…which normally I would forgive IRL because I’m not a total douchebag (figuratively and literally, one would hope), but it’s irritating when the rest of his piece sucks, too.

Cameron [Diaz] went for a much more subtle look, a simple Christian Dior LBD, to make sure she didn’t upstage her younger co-star.

Well, no. She wore a Christian Dior LBD because it was appropriate for the occasion and it looked absolutely gorgeous on her. But the bizarre theories don’t stop there! Here’s the caption for a photo of Kate Upton:

Vamping it up: Kate Upton makes sure all eyes are on her at the premiere

She’s a celebrity. She was in a movie. She wore a freaking dress. It was a nice dress. She is nice looking. She isn’t attempting to get attention over the other celebrities there simply by existing in a nice dress. Had she worn a not-nice dress, the Daily Mail would’ve likely turned it around to claim she didn’t want to upstage the other women. And the irony is that The Other Woman is about female friendships rather than competition, so this is especially sad.

We all know the Daily Mail is full of moldy bananas for the monkeys with typewriters who run it, but c’mon now. When did everybody speculate on Zac Efron trying to upstage Michael B. Jordan during events for That Awkward Moment?

Photos: WENN