Nickelodeon's 26th Annual Kids' Choice Awards - Arrivals

The challenge in writing about the Kid’s Choice Awards–held over the weekend in LA–is that 1) we don’t mock children on the internet (even when their stylists had a big, dumb field day) and 2) we’re getting to the age where we have no fucking clue who half these people are.

Ahead, we give it out best shot with Katy Perry, Kristen Stewart, Jessica Alba, Johnny Depp and Ke$ha, sweet Ke$ha.

Jessica AlbaJessica Alba wore a printed thing with peculiarly chosen pumps.

Fergie kid's choice awardsFergie, too, wore a printed thing–but we kind of like her wacky oceanscape and electric sandals. Huh.

Kristen Wiig kid's choice awards Kristen Wiig may look slightly underdressed, but that’s only because a lot of B and C-listers use this event (and all of them) as an excuse to dress up like particularly foolish peacocks. Wiig can do no wrong and she looks great.

Nickelodeon's 26th Annual Kids' Choice Awards - Arrivals

Cody Simpson… or deep fried Justin Bieber?

Ashley Tisdale No matter what, no matter where you are in the world–if you listen closely, you can hear the faint, almost imperceptible sound of Ashley Tisdale trying to make Ashley Tisdale work.

Selena Gomez Selena Gomez can’t, apparently, let go of peplums.

Katy Perry kid's choice awardsKaty Perry blah blah blah REVENGE DRESS! blah blah blah John Mayer.

Kristen Stewart kid's choice awardsKristen Stewart not only looked great, she’s smiling in a bunch of the photos. And her braid was really pretty! And her makeup was spot-on!

Well played.

Johnny Depp

It would appear Johnny Depp skipped the red carpet, because he was too busy buying pre-distressed things.

Nickelodeon's 26th Annual Kids' Choice Awards - ArrivalsSo many bright Spring prints and brighter shoes. Here’s Victoria Justice.

Karina SmirnoffHere is a bronze statue of Karina Smirnoff.

Jaden Smith and Willow Smith

Jaden Smith and Willow Smith looked like themselves and Willow had especially great hair.

Miranda CosgroveHere’s Miranda Cosgrove in another wild print.

Nickelodeon's 26th Annual Kids' Choice Awards - ArrivalsHere’s “TV personality” Kylie Jenner wearing white mesh booties.

Kiernan ShipkaKiernan Shipka looks more grown-up (/like Emma Watson?) by the day.

Gabby Douglas Olympian Gabby Douglas wore a coral and beige mullet dress with a leather obi belt–but she’s a damn Olympian and can do what she wants.

Danica Patrick NASCAR driver Danica Patrick wore a strapless teal dress and sparkly pumps.

Lucy Hale Lucy Hale looked very retro in her sleeveless shirt dress.

Nickelodeon's 26th Annual Kids' Choice Awards - ArrivalsWe don’t know who Matt Bennett is, but he sure wore a crown.

Nickelodeon's 26th Annual Kids' Choice Awards - ArrivalsOh, and Ke$ha won.

Ke$ha and brother Louie Sebert She even brought her little brother, Louie, to win with her.

(all photos via Getty)