kim kardashian

Remember when everyone thought that Kanye West might actually be helping Kim Kardashian dress better? Well, lately it seems like that notion is totally out the window; apparently, the gravitational pull of dresses-tighter-than-straightjackets is just too strong, and Kim’s wherewithal is too weak. Her maternity wear is, as Ashley predicted just last week, of cutouts.

While at dinner in a Miami restaurant last night, Kim was photographed wearing a dress that somehow manages to be ugly, goofy and painful all at the same time. It features quite the cutout in its front, because of course it does, including an upside-down heart with some oddly menacing metallic icicles hanging off. All in all, the dress looks incredibly uncomfortable.

kim kardashian

Of course, she is reportedly around three months pregnant. Her breasts have likely increased in size, and I have a feeling the Kloset of Kim will not go quietly just because of that silly ol’ thing known as circulation. Nevertheless, I think the most peculiar thing about lots of the coverage regarding her dress, and all outfits lately, is that people keep insisting that she looks noticeably pregnant.

Okay, forgive me if my actual terrible vision — seriously, my glasses are hilariously thick — but am I the only person who has yet to see this “baby bump”? All it looks like to me is Kim Kardashian’s normal stomach which, while not as flat or concave as many stars’, is by no means worthy of the term “baby bump.” I don’t think this is some form of body snarking, but I do think it’s a bit delusional. She looks just about the same as ever, and considering her typical outfits, I’m pretty sure we’d all notice if her stomach was actually “bump”-ful.

And you know what? I think “baby bump” just became my new least favorite phrase of 2013; after all, we’re going to hear it literally every day regarding Kardashian and Kate Middleton right up until their kids shoot out wearing a sequined onesie and a silly hat, respectively. Can we please never use it again? Wunderbar!

Photos: Pacific Coast News