I am your annoying friend who starts listening to Christina Aguilera‘s Christmas album in September, crams a giant tree into a shoe box apartment, and then makes everyone come over and look at it. I cry at almost any Christmas-themed commercial, particularly if a serviceman or woman is coming home to his or her family and they all drink coffee or something. Well, Kmart has unveiled its first Christmas ad of the holiday season, and I’m going to need for you to sit down, get comfortable, and help me process this.

Adweek explains the ads poetically:

Check out the Kmart studs in the retailer’s crazy Christmas cross-promotion with Joe Boxer via Draftfcb in Chicago—swaying their sacks to chime out their own impressive version of the holiday standard. That’s some musical junk right there.

And you really should just watch it for yourself:

[youtube_iframe id=”9PVhIMr4ScI”]

After watching for the fourth time, I’m just left with a ton of questions. Are the dudes’ balls supposed to be bells? What’s anatomically wrong with them that would make their balls make that sound? Should I call someone, a doctor, perhaps? Do people still wear boxers? I thought we had evolved to be a civilization of boxer briefs.

I feel like some people (me) would be super up in arms over a similar concept if the bells were lady boobs instead of testicles. At the same time, this doesn’t seem to have the same negative association as objectifying women sexually would, because this seems like those bros actually benefit. Wait, is the joke that their balls are so big that they make that sound? Did I just figure it out?
Photo: Youtube