kristen stewart

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty Images

Kristen Stewart has had a lot of amazing red carpet moments, wearing a gown that the designer forgot to line, not being one of them. No matter how fab the outfit, as soon as the Twihard screams stop and the red carpet turns to sticky pavement, off come the heels and out come her trusty sneakers. Cue: The mob of fashionistas brandishing stilettos as weapons, screaming, “Why are you ruining that Balenciaga gown with Converse?”

Kristen attempted to explains to People StyleWatch that she isn’t doing it to upset you. Honest:

“For some reason it pisses people off when I change after a red carpet. If I think about why people have these expectations of me it makes sense, but I genuinely think that if people thought about it for two seconds they’d be like, ‘Oh my God, why do I care that that girl just put some f—ing sneakers on? Are you seriously mad that I put on some Vans after an hour of being in heels? I’m so sorry to have upset you, you crazy person.”

Kristen, I’m not one of those crazy people but you have upset me. When I see you exiting a premiere, heels slung over your back and tatty sneakers on your feet. I’m thinking about the dress. Do you know how much it is to dry clean a dress with fresh puke or street grime on it?

K. Stew uses fancy words like ‘logistical’ to finish explain that we shouldn’t be getting our panties in a twist:

 “It’s for logistical reasons — it’s not comfortable to stay that way for long…It’s like I’m not trying to piss anyone off. I’m sorry, it’s just that my feet hurt! I think it’s so ridiculous when that shatters the initial reaction to whatever outfit was put together I didn’t ruin it! I still put the dress on and … I rocked it. But then I wanted to run around and talk to people.”

I know heels freaking hurt but if I’m walking a red carpet then going to sit down in a movie theater, why would I care what shoes I’m wearing because I would be sitting down?  Duh. Couldn’t she just sit down and take the shoes off? Or is she worried her feet smell worse than that grimy pair of sneakers she’d had for 3 years?

What I don’t understand is why change the shoes and not the dress? That’s what makes the least sense. Why would anyone force themselves into a narrow theater seat with 20 yards of extra fabric around their ankles and a corset digging into every pierce-able part of skin.

If she changed into her usual off-duty wardrobe of skinny jeans and an oversized tee, I’d be fine with that. I’d happily bring her a blanket and slippers so she could get properly comfy. She would actually be able to have a piece of popcorn without having her outfit split in two, unlike a body constricting gown.

God fordbid she’s sitting through a back-to-back Twilight marathon and she has to go to the washroom and she’s wearing a gown. Hopefully her stylist would be smart enough for her not to have any liquids for 24 hours.

Perhaps she accessorized her Reem Acra gown at the Oscars 2013 with a pair of crutches to warn us against the dangers of heels? But why oh why Kristen, would you wear a single platform heel ? Having a sliced open foot makes it okay to wear flats and instead you risked breaking the other foot by wearing one questionable heel?

If it really is the shoes that are the only problem, why can’t she get Karl Lagerfeld to design her a pair of wedges or even a sparkly brogues that doesn’t hurt? She is the bloody face of Chanel so I don’t think that’s too much to ask.