As I have most certainly announced before, I’m sure, I am not exactly what one might call a “fashionista.” My roots frequently go undyed, I cannot walk in heels besides boots and the majority of my purchases depend on how they would look/feel on me if I were bloated. It’s quite a simple life, actually! Nevertheless, there are some outfits that even I am aware are just plain terrible. For example, Kristen Stewart’s Twilight disco suit a la 1992 Selena (who somehow pulled it off). It looked just plain odd, though I’m sure I would’ve liked it better had she been dancing and single to Bidi Bidi Bom Bom.” But she wasn’t, so it was terrible. And now, KStew has somehow upped herself and worn the most peculiarly unappealing outfit to the New York City premiere of On The Road.

No, really. It is so silly:

Kristen Stewart - On The Road

Kristen Stewart - On The Road

Am I think only person who thinks this is remarkably weird? I feel as though this is the kind of dress you and your friends try on at the mall in a strange store that burns entirely too much incense indoors when you want to be “goofy” and find the oddest outfit possible. Not only is it too tight, too short and just plain hideous (again, not a fashionista, so perhaps I just don’t “understand” this dress…), it also stops the sheer overlay pattern in the back like some postmodern Stepford Wifeism metaphor.

Kristen Stewart - On The Road

Does anybody remember that bizarre Disney movie Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century? She would’ve loved this outfit. Loved it! This is very, very “Zenon” which, while great for hypothetical people living in our now-present century, I do find it is best to simply avoid Zenon inspiration altogether, particularly when it includes fluorescent patterns and sheer overlays and looks kind of like how Disney might dress the only Asian person on board Zenon’s ship.

Now, I personally empathize quite a bit with Kristen Stewart. I often feel that, like me, she is just a little bit less fashionable than everybody around her — something that is perfectly fine, and actually makes her more likable! That said, one or all of her stylists should’ve told her this was a no-go.

Photos: Ivan Nikolov/Michael Carpenter – WENN.com