Last night at the president’s staff-only inaugural ball, Lady Gaga took the word “ball” and ran with it by wearing a dress outfitted with white globes of varying sizes.
All those balls had a pretty great vehicle in the form of a gloriously weird lace-up gown complete with hot pants and miles of sheer tulle skirts. The balls clustered around her hips and shoulders to create a rather “alien princess meets space hooker from the future” sort of vibe.
Unsatisfied that she’d sufficiently upstaged Michelle Obama‘s arms, Lady Gaga proceeded to lead her balls in a duet with Tony Bennett before getting down on all fours and pretending to get an abortion from a miniature Tony Bennett lookalike. “Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not beautiful!” she screamed as she masturbated a Terry Richardson lookalike with her feet.
While I would very much like to make a joke about testicles here, these balls look like they were intended to be of the “eye” variety, as some of them had little pupil-like things on them. In fact, I’m fairly sure she’ll come out with a statement to the effect of, “I’ve got eyes on the backs of my shoulders, and if you bully a gay kid, I will know.” Just admit you wanted to wear an eyeball gown, Lady Gaga. You are Lady Gaga. You’re allowed.
Oh, fuck it. I am posting this song anyway.
(Via The Cut)