On a recent trip to Finland in search of purer, colder, more folklore-rich Chanel than the boring old Chanel you can buy in New York, Lady Gaga encountered a shop girl who made the unfortunate mistake of looking her in the eye. So untutored was she in the ways of American celebrity that she not only gazed into the Queen of pop’s forbidden face, but failed to smear her own with mud and soot so as not to risk appearing more beautiful than the Queen. The Queen was silent for a long time, then whirled around and exited the shop, only to return under cover of night to put a curse on the impudent Chanel store. Because everyone involved but the Queen is now dead, this story lives only in quiet whispers and the photos of her powerful ogre friend Terry.

Photos: Terry Richardson