71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - ArrivalsHappy Sunday! We’re here bringing you every look from the Golden Globes 2014 red carpet–the good, the bad, and the deeply upsetting will all be here in one place. While the whole world is fangirl-ing themselves into a fit of girl power excitement over Tina Fey and Amy Poehler‘s hosting gig, we’re sitting back and getting ready for the outfits, beauty, and inevitable shit shows that are bound to happen during any type of award show event.

As always, we’ll be updating as the night progresses, so check back for more gowns, weird suits, and our perplexed, off-the-cuff reactions.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Nancy O’Dell does Prom Queen glam.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Maria Menounos is wearing a neon dress with cutouts and I like it (although I wish the lining of her dress weren’t black and visible in the train). Send help.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Rico Rodriguez always looks fantastic.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Anna Gunn looks stunning, but I can’t help but find this dress to be slightly labial. But vulvas are beautiful.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I love Sarah Hyland‘s braids and strong brows. The drop waist, belt, and thick straps aren’t doing it for me.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Louise Roe does ORANGE!

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

And, so does Savannah Guthrie, with more success. Except those shoes ruin everything. Just go home. Take Matt Lauer with you.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Ladies and gentlemen: Jacqueline Bisset.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Shaun Robinson does Angelina’s leg with royal blue.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - ArrivalsLaura Carmichael‘s dress looks an awful lot like Beth Behrs’ number from the People’s Choice Awards.71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Okay, Amber Heard. We get it. You look incredible. I want to do sex things on you.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Gymnast Mary Lou Retton wears her best “Interview Outfit.” I hope she gets the job!

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Melissa Rauch makes bright yellow look sexy as hell.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I want to do ungodly things to Caitlin Fitzgerald‘s hair, and despite the uneven hemline, I’ve decided to like this dress. Pretending I didn’t see the shoes.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Leslie Mann looks so good I can almost ignore the peplum, but then I feel angry that she snuck that son of a bitch in. Judd Apatow makes nice arm candy.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

This Malibu Barbie look feels like a personal betrayal from my life partner, Aubrey Plaza.
71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Wait, is she confused?

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Mike Tyson wore a patterned suit.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Zooey Deschanel went the full Zooey with this whimsical fair princess number and studded t-shirt.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Michelle Dockery looks nice. I don’t know. This whole thing is pretty blah.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Naomi Watts is sleek.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I’m on board for Elisabeth Moss‘ beaded dress…

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

…but would it have killed her to wash and dry her hair before going on national TV?

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Lupita Nyong’o doesn’t disappoint. Not even a little bit.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

What’s happening around Emilia Clarke’s hips? It looks like a peplum gone rogue. No thanks.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

In which Jemima Kirke proves that she is Jessa IRL.
71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Will Forte looks smart.
71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Goddamn, Chiwetel Ejiofor. Sari Mercer‘s gown is great, too.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Something’s not right here. Is it the hair? The facial expression? I like the color and makeup, but something about this is very, very wrong. Not Lena Dunham‘s best effort.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I really want to love everything about Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally, but who did this to Mullally? I’ll forgive the sleeves because she’s probably hiding awesome shit in there, but who butchered her hair?

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Your hosts for the evening have arrived! And yikes. It’s a mixed bag.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Amy Poehler looks sexy, fresh, and amazing. Even that little keyhole midriff cutout is okay by me.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Tina Fey. Oh gosh. I really just wanted better for you. It took me forever to figure out that the pattern featured flowers and not elephants, vaginas, or umbrellas, and I want to know what on earth made that hair style happen.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Amy Adams is selling me on that side boob.
71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

We can always count on Zosia Mamet to be a sour puss. The hoop earrings seem like they’re a bit out of place, though I love her cropped bob.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals Lily Rabe‘s dress has a sheer (or illusion of sheer) bodies, sparkles, and a starburst pattern, but this thing is just dowdy. Those stripes on the skirt remind me of a giant parachute.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Laura Dern takes a pro-pubic hair stance.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Robin Wright does her ice queen thing with Ben Foster by her side. Wait, are they dating now? Please advise.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Ariel Winter looks sophisticated and age-appropriate.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I just want to hang out with Bryan Cranston and Robin Dearden, who is wearing the hell out of that white gown.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Jonah Hill and Michael Fassbender bro out.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Hayden Panettiere does everything bad in one outfit. I don’t think I should have to explain this to you.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Cate Blanchett looks severe, sheer, and ready to kill you. I love it.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Sarah Paulson does the pixie thing with deeply regrettable shoes worn by me to my baby sitter’s wedding in 1997. I just loved sparkles!

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals Okay. This is the first Kerry Washington look I’ve ever felt negatively about. That top number looks like a waiter’s vest meant to cover her pregnancy, and the most beautiful woman in the whole world is drowning in that thing.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Kaley Cuoco‘s big floral number is balanced by the bodice.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Emma Watson doesn’t care what I think of her outfit.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

This is simply not my favorite look on Gabourey Sidibe–it probably doesn’t help that she looks unhappy and uncomfortable in it.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Andy Samberg is overshadowed by wife Joanna Newsom‘s ruffle explosion. I think the dress could have been saved with the removal of the sleeves, but what do I know? I’m wearing leopard print leggings that my mom bought me.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Julianna Margulies looks fantastic in black and gold. The shape is wonderful on her.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Sofia Vergara is just doing too much.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Reese Witherspoon straddles sleek and beachy.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Channing Tatum looks sharp while Jenna Dewan‘s dress offends my every sensibility. WTF are they standing on? Some sort of ancient shield?

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Without fail, Taylor Schilling always wears way too much eye make up. The dress is lovely, though.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Matthew McConaughey surprises us all with a dark green velvet jacket, and Camila Alves is magnificent in all sequins.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Olivia Wilde wears an exact mix of McConaughey and Alves’ looks, and is a model of perfection.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Chris Hemsworth rocks a chain and Elsa Pataky’s makeup is sublime.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Hello, Bradley Cooper. Quite a stance on that guy.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - ArrivalsEmma Thompson just doesn’t give a shit about any of you. Her wild blonde hair, gold turtleneck/black skirt combo pretty in-your-face.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I like Kate Mara‘s hair and makeup, but the dress is a little blah to me.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

I love everything except for Emma Roberts‘ earrings.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

 

Sandra Bullock‘s hair and makeup are flawless as far as I’m concerned, but I shan’t forgive that dress.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals Oh sorry Mila Kunis, did you have somewhere else to be? Actually, I bet having your picture taken by a million screaming people when you probably have to pee just so some low life named Julia Sonenshein can write about you is not the most fun way to spend a Sunday night.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals Taylor Swift does her version of “edgy,” which means a froofy pink dress with a bit of black. Yawn.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals THANK YOU ZOE SALDANA! Readers–this is a dress. Here’s how you can get the look: slash up a previously ugly dress, add some fishing net, bedazzle it with hair clips for babies, add cat ears to the bustline, and throw some limp ribbons around the arms. Bless you, Zoe. Bless you.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals I am not wild about Uma Thurman‘s patterns, but the shape is nice.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals I’m shocking loving Julie Delpy‘s neckline.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Julia Roberts, appearing in Substitute Teacher: Don’t Even Try That Switching Desks Routine.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Jennifer Lawrence tied some ribbon around a lot of tulle. It’s a big swing and a miss. The hair’s growing on me, though.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Paula Patton brings us our second labia of the evening.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Kate Beckinsale‘s entire person is quite reflective.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Edie Falco‘s dress could have used a shape.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals Julie Bowen does the red/dark red purple color blocking that we’ve been seeing so much of.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Rashida Jones‘ pattern is a nightmare straight out of the Tina Fey handbook.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Helen Mirren looks great in green.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Julia Louis-Dreyfus picked maybe not the best color or neckline or hairstyle.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Ugh Allison Williams. I’m really on the fence about this whole thing.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Drew Barrymore prepares for the impending arrival of her child by wearing children’s clothing.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Chunk choker, sheer lace panels, white roses? Nailed, it, Heidi Klum.

Photos: Getty Images