Lululemon gets you, you guys. They understand that the herculean task of changing from one pair of pants to a whole other pair of pants will put some serious strain on your busy schedule, which is why they went to the trouble of making a six-piece line of clothing that is supposed to go straight from pilates to your various parties and drum circles and meetings and whatnots. You know, whatever the cool kids are doing these days.
In the debate about whether or not workout gear is acceptable for everyday wear, I fall securely into the “How hard is it to just put real pants on?” camp. Of course, I can understand the other point of view—if the only place you’re going today is the grocery store, why bother with zippers when yoga pants are so comfortable?
However, I think it’s pretty much understood that if you use workout clothes for their intended purpose—working out—it’s just good form to change into a clean set after if you’re planning on being around anyone with a sense of smell.
Not so, according to lululemon, who in the aftermath of some bad “fat people really just shouldn’t wear our clothes because ew” press, seem to be afraid of coming off as having a single iota of common sense.
On Monday, they tweeted out the following:
You don’t have time for a wardrobe that keeps forcing you to change. We get it: http://t.co/9x7DbPlWF2
— lululemon athletica (@lululemon) March 18, 2014
To announce their new &go line, a small collection of pieces that feature “moisture wicking” tennis dresses and peplum tanks along with “boardroom ready” pants.
With options ranging from $54 to $198 you too will be able to pair hideous leather-look shorts that promise to chafe your thighs into oblivion with a peplum waist shirt that you can’t wear a bra with. Well, as long as you fit into a size 10 or smaller and don’t mind that the shorts look like something a creepy guy on the Venice Beach boardwalk would wear when he’s trying to air out his balls by doing toe touches in front of the henna stand.
There’s no doubt that there are some seriously questionable style decisions that were made while developing this line, namely that in attempting to bridge the gap between activewear and career apparel they managed to come up with pieces that can’t really do either. Adding welt pockets to the butt of some yoga pants doesn’t make them look like boardroom ready pants, but it will add a level of discomfort to your crunches. Similarly, their flowy top with a back slit for “easy in-and-out priveleges” still has the distinct look of lycra, except now you can’t wear any kind of functional bra with it if you plan on actually working out. It all looks painfully trendy and a little flimsy, like a shirt you might buy at Forever 21 and then wear once because it was four dollars and has the durability of tissue paper.
But really, all of that pales in comparison to the main problem with the &go line, which is that if you truly plan on going straight from your Zumba class to some cocktail party you’ve been invited to, you can count on not being invited to one again. I can’t understand how, in all of the concept meetings leading up to the &go release, no one thought to put down their wheatgrass smoothie and say,
“Hey, what about the fact that you smell like pure rancid ass after you work out?”
Because you do. Someone needs to inform the people over at lululemon that women do, in fact, sweat and not just “glow”. I had the rare treat of sitting next to someone at work who biked 8 miles to get there while our office showers were being renovated, and it was like someone had wrapped a dying skunk in sweaty gym towels, doused the entire thing in curdled milk and lit it on fire. I can just imagine someone showing up to a rager in Williamsburg with zip-side &go leggings and a white peplum top with pit stains down to their waist, and then attempting to do that weird hands-up jump up and down thing that passes for dancing among hipsters. It seems like a really good way to clear a room.
But hey, at least you saved 20 minutes by not hosing off and throwing some actual clothes on. That’s gotta be worth the minimum price tag of $112 for one of these outfits, right?