All of the Lust Objects I’ve written have primarily reflected my style; i.e. somber friendless goth kid from the future who really admires Keith Richards (or at least, that’s how I want to dress). Consequently, today I was thinking I need to branch out, get a little Italian sex and glamor in my Lust Object life.

But surprise! In order to look sexy and glamorous you apparently need to wear leopard print wrap dresses. Nothing but leopard print wrap dresses.

So then I thought, I’ll go the completely opposite direction: frilly, feminine, soft, pretty… beige. But wouldn’t this look fantastic on a classy lady in black slacks and simple pumps? The swirling rosettes are so pretty and that sobering beige keeps it from looking too nuts.

Now granted, I’m tall and wide-shoulder’ed and not a smiler, so I’d probably look like a crude painting of a vagina in this coat (i.e., ridiculous), but there’s definitely a woman out there who could really pull this off.

And if you don’t think it looks glamorous, the pricetag sure is.

Valentino Rosette-Embellished Cotton-Blend Jacket, $2,980, Net-a-Porter