Madonna wants to shock you with her gross, hairy armpits. Are you not appalled?
Madonna shared the hairy new selfie on Instagram last night, writing: “Long hair…… Don’t Care!!!!!! #artforfreedom #rebelheart #revolutionoflove.”
Honestly, Madonna’s latest gross-out art feels late to the party. Lady Gaga just had a woman puke on her on stage in the name of “art,” and Miley Cyrus stuffed a stranger’s used underwear in her mouth. Madonna’s armpit hair hasn’t even managed to gross out the notoriously vicious commenters on The Daily Mail, who were just concerned about her wrinkles and smoking.
The armpit hair did not even distract from Madonna’s boobs, which were hoisted into some impressive cleavage with a lacy black push-up bra. Madonna also decided to rock a sheer illusion corset with black bone casings, and a tiny black bow tie, because she is late for the opera.
It looks like armpit hair is finally starting to lose its scandalous reputation. Simply avoiding underarm razors is no longer a radical act; it’s just a thing we might do because we don’t feel like shaving today. We’re thrilled to see that the world seems to be coming to terms with armpit hair, because we never got what the big deal was in the first place. It’s just armpit hair.
Except in this case, it might not really be armpit hair. The Gloss staff just spent a lot of time analyzing Madge’s armpit and the armpits of other hairy people on Google image search, and we think it’s fake. J’accuse, Madonna!
If anybody could get someone to make her a fake armpit wig, it’s Madonna. She did get Emilia Clarke to lend her her Game of Thrones costume for Purim last week. If anybody were going to wear an armpit wig for the sake of “art,” it’d be Madonna. (Or Lady Gaga.) But that new armpit thatch definitely looks man-made to us, and not long ago Madonna’s pits were clean-shaven:
She could probably have grown a bunch of armpit hair in that time, but we still think she’s rocking an underarm wig. Could armpit wigs become a new trend? We hope not. Grow your underarm hair and wear it in braids if you want, but underarm wigs are a fad that does not need to get off the ground.