Miranda Lambert presenting at the 2013 ACM Awards alongside John Fogerty

We already brought you most of the orange skin and tacky dresses and bleached pompadours from last night’s ACM Awards, but we missed Miranda Lambert. It would appear she skipped the red carpet–or our photo databases just didn’t manage to catch a glimpse of her at the fashion show.

Then again, once we saw her dress, we kind of suspected Lambert’s absence from the red carpet was a very deliberate act of self-preservation. After all, one wrong move, one unexpected hug from an over-zealous fan, one enthusiastic wave… and everything could have tumbled out in full view of hundreds of paparazzi lenses.

Yes, Lambert’s dress played the most dangerous game. Here’s the death-defying side view:

Miranda Lambert at the 2013 ACM Awards

Like any good country star, she needs glittery, statement-y things, so she paired her otherwise understated black bra-dress with sheer, embellished booties. Which have a purple heel, naturally.

And here she is after the ceremony, weighed down with her many awards. From this angle, though, the bodice looks just a little safer:

Miranda Lambert at the ACM Awards

Thought experiment. If Miranda Lambert’s bra dress made a baby with Miley Cyrus‘ bra dress, would the resulting garment be an actual dress?

Or, nothing at all because dresses are incapable of reproducing that way?

(Photos via Wenn)