It’s time to pack it in, guys. Fashion is over. It’s over. We’re done. I just — I can’t. I can’t do it anymore. There are pants made of human skin.
When I first heard from a coworker that these existed, I assumed they would be like those leggings with crazy patterns. Oh, like the anatomical pants, I thought, how morbidly fascinating but great for Halloween! Eh, no. We are not so lucky. They’re pants made of human skin and are presently available for your viewing pleasure in the Museum of Icelandic Sorcery & Witchcraft in Holmavik, Iceland. Lo and behold:
According to the Daily Mail, because of course they’re the ones reporting on human skin pants,
Gandalf and Dumbledore sorcerers would wear these for luck, because nothing says “break a leg!” like wearing an actual human’s broken, torn away legs.
According to legend, a morbid deal was struck between two friends to arrange who became the trousers or ‘necropants,’ which were used for purposes of traditional magic at the time.
The Museum…houses the only known intact pair of necropants, that were meant to be worn day and night by their owner.
In order to make the necropants (called nábrók in the naive tongue) an individual had to get permission from a living man to use his skin after his death.
The surviving member of the pact had to dig up his dead friend’s body and peel off the skin of the corpse from the waist down in one piece without any holes or scratches, to make the magical trousers.
God, I need to stop writing about things that scare the bejeezus out of me. A museum spokesperson says that apparently, the moment people put them on, the pants “would immediately be stuck with your own flesh and be part of your body.” Er, I’m not sure that’s how wearing human skin works, but I’m no expert. I know just the guy to ask, though!
These pants would apparently bring tons of luck and wealth to the wearer, but I do not understand how lucky one can really be when they are the kind of human who skins a dead buddy. Luckily, this was considered “unusual behaviour” because society says wearing human skin isn’t “cool” or “normal” or “the behavior of a sane human being.” The Man: always bringing our luck down.
Hopefully this guy had been reading Liz’s skin-beautifying ingredient recipe guides so the material is nice and supple. And yes, I want to throw up after reading that sentence then subsequently slap me on the back of the head, too. Also, I can’t help feeling genuinely freaked out that some crazy performance artist will think this is a good idea. Agh. Go home, fashion, you’re
drunk completely out of your mind.