The New York Times may finally have discovered a new trend, despite a long-running reputation for being further behind the curve than our parents, but this brilliant “hipsters wearing monocles” trend piece is so cutting-edge we think it might have left the gate before the trend even got started.
We can’t blame the Times for being in a hurry to report on something hip kids are doing. The New York Times has published so many devastatingly outdated trend pieces over the years that it has its own parody twitter account, The Times is On It. (“GUYS, New Yorkers are suck of all these damn tourists, and The Times is ON IT.”) Everyone needs a win now and then, and the Times seems pretty sure it has one in this cutting-edge article about how hipsters are wearing monocles.
There’s just one problem: Everyone else seems to be pretty sure the Times is just making this one up. A straw poll of The Gloss staffers, who are mostly 20-something bloggers who live in New York and know their share of tattooed Brooklynites, indicates that nobody has ever seen a person wearing a monocle in real life.
Twitter’s users seem similarly skeptical:
NYT, 2014: “Monocles are cool.” 2015: “Top hats are back!” 2016: “Ciggy holders are TRES ON TREND” 2017: End result: pic.twitter.com/sRGvorgQ4t
— Glen Weldon (@ghweldon) March 6, 2014
@jlizak I wear two monocles with a little plastic piece holding them together in the middle.
— Micha Ward (@MidFidelity) March 6, 2014
“Your apartment is built on a nuclear waste dump” wouldn’t get me to leave New York faster than “People are wearing monocles now.”
— Steve Kandell (@SteveKandell) March 6, 2014
Little Known Fact: Monocles was actually the Greek god of pretension and poor depth perception.
— James Skylar Gerrond (@JimmySky) March 6, 2014
Stop hating, New York. Monocles are great – they leave one side of a pretentious git’s face clear for your fist http://t.co/LfTXExzhRe
— Markham Nolan (@markham) March 6, 2014
So how do monocles fit with the new “Normcore” trend I’ve been hearing so much about? — Mark Hogan (@markasaurus) March 6, 2014
re: monocles, when did trend stories stop being abt actual trends and start highlighting a precious few whose affectations won’t be a trend?
— Slade Sohmer (@SladeHV) March 6, 2014
As evidence of this booming fad for monocles, the New York Times found some people who were actually wearing them. Well, one 23-year-old aspiring rapper who wears a monocle “to have [his] own style.” In addition to him, the Times also talked to a guy in San Francisco who owns a monocle shop. That guy said his sales have tripled since 2012, from $27,000 to $66,000. Warby Parker even sells a monocle, which is apparently popular with chefs who want to quickly read recipes in the kitchen.
The New York Times says that some older people are getting monocles because they have trouble reading tiny iPhone screens or menus in dim restaurants, but they do not want to use regular drugstore reading glasses, because that would make them look old. We’ve heard about choosing between our ass and our face, but we were unprepared for the idea that at a certain age a person has to choose between looking old and looking like a pretentious twit.
(Photos: Getty, Giphy)