Did you have an office party this year? Did you match your seven glasses of champagne with a sexy cocktail dress, a lovely little skirt, or a cute pair of pants? Depending on what you wore, your outfit says a whole lot about your personality, quirks, and booze habits, among other fun qualities. What does yours say about you?
You like to have a good time, but you do not overindulge, especially not in front of coworkers. In fact, you are much more likely to be the one who carries a friend to the cab than requiring one yourself. You are excellent at drinking whiskey–almost too excellent, because you have worked at at least one bar in the past. Though you know when to hold your tongue, you are a notably hilarious person. You have tried online dating for what seems like forever, but with the exception of a Tinder meetup or OKCupid date here and there, you’ve basically given up on it. You know the words to an embarrassing number of Top 40 songs, but would only dare sing them after several shots of the aforementioned whiskey.
Little Black Dress
You tend to be pretty goofy, so you try to be taken more seriously when you’re at office functions, but typically wind up drinking several glasses of champagne with your work friends before feeling capable of conversation with those other semi-strangers. When music is playing anywhere near you, you often find yourself dancing to it without realizing it–yes, even in public, even when you’re sober. You’ve hooked up with a lot of people in your friend group, and yet stayed close with at least half of them. Despite most people finding malls to be suburban hellholes, you actually walking around in them once in a while. You’re most attracted to people with strong jawlines, decent personal style, and an inability to commit.
You may be the coolest person everyone in this office has ever known, which explains why they were initially a little intimidated of you. You wear feathers, tulle, sequins, and crop tops the way everyone else wears sweatpants. You know exactly how great your eyebrows are, and not simply because you get 8000 compliment on them per day. Though you typically know what song is playing, you don’t ever brag about it. Your biggest flaw is that you have too many books in your tiny apartment.
You’re the only person in your friend group who contributes large sums of money to your 401K. Though you generally suck at cooking, you will “Like” and “Reblog” literally any photo of creme brulee. When you were a kid, people made fun of you for your interests and intellect–and your mom was right, they were jealous. As a result, you decided to become a boss, and lady, you are killing it. That said, you should take off your blazer–office parties get hot and nobody will take you any less seriously. But keep that chignon in. It looks real good.
Good job, you made it to the party and brought your legs along for the ride! You look cute, which is something you whisper to yourself every time you run to the bathroom to pee again. And hey–nice foot tattoos you got there. Dive bars are not your “thing” unless they’re at least 60% inhabited by people you know. You genuinely cannot tell when you are too drunk, but let’s be honest: you’re really fun to be around even when you are, and nothing you say while tipsy comes from a mean place. You have a deep devotion to your hometown which, while occasionally annoying to those around you, is still endearing for the most part. People underestimate how smart you are based on how you dress or speak, but you typically shut them up by brilliantly leading a meeting–all in stilettos, no less.
Click to the next page to hear about pencil skirt wearers, what the coolest girl at the party is wearing, and more!
You’re sexy and you know it, though you find that song abhorrent. As a teenager, you were embarrassed or even ashamed of your body, but in adulthood, you have embraced it. When you are on the subway or a bus or simply walking down the street, you can feel people’s eyes on you and don’t mind (as long as they keep their hands and words to themselves). Above all things, you value kindness–which includes manners, a subject you feel very, very strongly about. You pride yourself on your vast knowledge of spirits and know how to make a rather excellent Old Fashioned. People are often surprised to find you don’t actually like Mad Men.
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your long voluminous hair and party!” This is the type of phrase you might actually say to yourself before the office party. You’re a hard worker, but there is at least one coworker whom you wish would notice you in a “special” way. When dating, you almost always fall hard and fast, and feel rather disappointed if the other person does not. You may take shots at the party, but chances are that you will just stick to cocktails because you’re well-aware of your tendency to get chatty after a few sips of tequila. You hate admitting it for fear of being labeled “basic,” but you live for lattes and spin class.
You are either a spy or the director of a major feature film. You know more about wine than anyone you know and drink quite a bit of it at office gatherings, though you never spill a single drop on yourself.
Good gracious, you are cool. At least one writer at this site whose name is Samantha Escobar wants to be you. You’ve got a high-powered job in fashion, or at least look like you have one, and you know every vintage store in your neighborhood. You drink a lot, you’re good at dancing even though you never do it, and you have been in at least two long-term relationships, though you are presently single and, in all likelihood, don’t give a shit about being “ready to mingle.” You prefer cats over humans, only eat mint chocolate chip ice cream when it’s green, and primarily own lace underwear.
Blouse + Pants
While you can appreciate a nice wine or a good cocktail, you tend to do slightly more judging at the office holiday party than drinking. You live by the calendar on your phone and despise when other people are late to things. You drink a lot of gin and tonics because they are, like most things you enjoy, simple and practical.
You’re still waiting for your invitation to a red carpet event, preferably with Benedict Cumberbatch, but you would probably accept one from Leonardo DiCaprio if he agreed to shave. If it is offered, you will drink exclusively Veuve Clicquot; if it is not, you’ll take Korbel (albeit with a shrug). You live alone, and thank goodness because otherwise, somebody might judge just how much time you spend in a nightgown and curlers. You absolutely despise people who text at dinner and the smell of ultra-floral perfumes; both make you a little sick to your stomach.