Speed Skating - Winter Olympics Day 2

Russian speedskater Olga Graf earned herself a bronze medal in Sunday’s women’s 3000 meter race, and then celebrated with what’s being heralded as a massive “wardrobe malfunction.” In what turned out to be the least revealing flashing of all time, Graf unzipped her suit after winning, and flashed a bit of chest. At this point, I can’t even remember what she won or who she is because all I can think about is the possibility of seeing a bare chested woman.

When I say Graf showed her chest, I don’t mean breasts–we’re talking sternum to navel. Exactly zero breasts were showed to the world, but God forbid a woman even come close. Apparently Graf forgot that she had nothing on underneath, and “sheepishly” explained the incident through a translator (“sheepishly” is People‘s word choice).

“We have very good suits and they are very tight. … You just want to breathe and you want to take off your suit. Only afterward did I realize that maybe this video will appear on YouTube. But I don’t think it will be so bad.”

How silly of her to think that people wouldn’t focus on her near titty show as opposed to her remarkable feats of athleticism. What bronze medal? She almost showed her boobs!

I am not huge into sports that are not basketball carried about by the Los Angeles Lakers, but how many photos and videos have we seen that show men ripping off their shirts to celebrate some victory? It’s not just victories–for some reason NBA players love to rip off their shirts when they get ejected from games, and nobody ever thinks twice about it. It doesn’t take a genius to see that this whole “wardrobe malfunction” is manufactured hysteria based on the notion that women’s bodies are inherently shameful and should be covered. If People covers a male speedskater unzipping his suit to expose his chest, I’ll be slack jawed with shock.

You can check out the fully unzipped, very work safe pictures over here. You’ll see that this is a bunch of people getting all worked up over nothing; it’s click bait at best, and misogynistic at worst. Graf is an athlete. Her body is an incredibly tuned machine that can do things most of us can never even dream of, and should be thought of as such. Instead, we’re freaking out that Graf has breasts that the world was almost subjected to seeing. Calm down, world. Your massive fear and hatred of female bodies is showing.

Photo: Getty Images