Here at TheGloss, we don’t have penises, so we’re not really acquainted with what to do about cold ones. Some aspiring artisans over at Etsy–that bastian of the absurd and frightening so matter how obscure–have sniffed out a hole in the cold dick market and swooped in with… penis warmers.
Rather, cutesy, knitted dick beanies (peenies!):
One such Etsy maven, Radmila Kus of Croatia, explained the sudden popularity of her wares to International Business Times: “Penis warmers used to be worn in these parts as a normal clothing item for the male private parts because the winters were very harsh with very low temperatures.”
…So they’re practical.
Any penis-havers out there: where do these things fall nowadays? We figure firmly in gag gift territory, because they seem like a real chafing hazard if worn. Let us know.