Rational Jen and Asshole Jen are ready to tackle the issues that define our times. Again. Today, we’re talking about the fact that Vogue Japan editor Anna Dello Russo (left) owns 4,000 pairs of shoes, and has a separate apartment to keep them and her clothing in. A whole. Separate. Apartment. Does this strike anyone as sensible?
Asshole Jen: THE ANSWER IS YES THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE I WANT TO GO SINGLE WHITE FEMALE ON HER DISCUSSION OVER.
Rational: But she has no human companionship. I mean look at this:
She told The Guardian that her addiction was responsible for the brevity of her six month marriage to an assistant photographer.
‘He said to me: “Where is the space for me?” I said: “There is no space for you.”
‘He says: “Where is the space in the closet?” “There is no space in the closet!” He says: “Are you crazy?” Then he left.’
That’s kind of sad, right?
Asshole Jen: SAD THAT SHE MARRIED A DOOFUS WHO COULDN’T UNDERSTAND HER ROCKING AWESOMENESS.
Rational Jen: Okay, fair point. He clearly knew nothing about who she was and what she loved. But still, after you pass, say, your 1,000th pair of shoes, doesn’t it seem like you’re just trying to fill a void? In some deep cavernous space inside yourself where bunions never grow?
Asshole Jen: Nope. Sounds like we should kill her in her sleep, and move into her apartment(s). And then be her! No one will ever know!
Rational Jen: What are you talking about?
Asshole Jen: Think about it, Boring Jen. We have an apartment where the bathroom sink – for reasons somewhat unknown to us – spews peas. We don’t eat peas. This woman has an apartment full of clothing. Like, this is French revolution stuff, you know? Let’s rock this. Let’s steal her life. We’ll do it all subtle-like. We’ll dye our hair first.
Rational Jen: Her shoes – they wouldn’t even fit us.
Asshole Jen: Her 250 Tuxedo Jackets would. BY GOD WE’D MAKE THEM FIT.
Rational Jen: Look, she probably lives in Japan. The apartments are legitimately very small there. Maybe she has two apartments and they’re each 600 sq. feet. That seems not insane then.
Asshole Jen: No. She’s a decadent succubus. She’s also a Vogue editor. Trust me – both the apartments are big. Gonna be so awesome when we steal her life. You can have one and I can have one and we can meet in the middle like Benjamin Button.
Rational Jen: That doesn’t even make any sense.
Asshole Jen: Fuck you, buying hair dye.