Look, I’ve recently come into some money, and I would like to buy a dress. By “recently come into some money” I mean “I’ve saved up the entire year to buy one of these two dresses.” But this is difficult! Both dresses I am considering have strong suits. Normally, I just run this by Ashley, but she will almost always pick the one that is black, and one of these is obviously not black. So. Here are the two I am considering. I am sorry I am holding up my phone weird in both of these, I did not anticipate running this by everyone:

Okay, one of this one’s major strengths is not having a floral pattern, but a pattern inspired by barnacles. I seriously think it is one of the most beautiful dresses I have ever seen. That pattern! The cut on top. But I’m a little worried about the skirt. The flounces! Too much?  Ideally I could wear this in the day as well as at night.


It is periwinkle! Do you know why periwinkle is my favorite color? Because periwinkle is such a great word to say. And it’s made out leather. It is like the most ladylike mod biker dress in the entire world. Here, here is its counterpart made out of pink leather, because I cannot find a record of it online. Also, this is dumb, but I know that if I have a day when I feel fat, this is the dress I will feel more comfortable wearing because it’s not too form-fitting.

If it influences your decision, I feel like the purpose of a dress is to say “despite the fact that you were much cooler than me in middle school, I have beaten you on a fundamental level. Also, I am not insecure, and the debate team was great, thanks for asking.” Additionally, in the near future, I have to do some business-lady stuff. I have to trick people into thinking I am a grown-up, mostly. So, if you think one of these says “Hi. Nice to meet you. My name is Jen. I eat guys like you for lunch.” I would appreciate you voting for that one.

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