I mean “may anyone, ever” but it felt awkward to type, right?

Every time I see a Lisa Perry dress, which is inevitably inspired by some well known artist, I have an immediate impulse to say “Jeff KOONS, lady? I fucking love Jeff Koons! I will give you all the money in the world for this dress! Please excuse me while I hold up 7 banks!” I say that regardless of whether or not the artist inspiring the dress is Jeff Koons. I really just want to hold up some banks.

However, I got lucky this time. Here is a picture of a dress from her Jeff Koons collection (presumably inspired by “Jeff Koons Loopy”):

jeff koons loopy

Sometimes I have a fantasy that one day someone will call me a femme fatale and I will reply “I’m about as fatale as an ice cream sundae.” Like Sally Bowles. In I Am A Camera. Fine. Cabaret. This absolutely never happens, and will never happen, because we don’t live in 1930’s Berlin. Also, I’m not sultry enough to be called a femme fatale, because I’m not some Rita Hayworth type, and I can’t flip my hair, so most people just go around telling me to “relax”. Also, everything about this will never happen.

But if it did, I could skip the wordplay and just point to the dress and that would be hilarious. There’s a thin line between confusing and hilarious, but I’m willing to straddle it in a pretty sultry fashion.

However, I once saw someone wearing this Lichtenstein inspired Lisa Perry dress and I did cross the room and say “hah! Lichtenstein!” That’s a good way to start conversations even if people aren’t wearing Lisa Perry dresses. Just make it clear that Lichtenstein is comical. She stared at me blankly and said “what?”

“Your dress is Lichtenstein” I replied.

“I don’t think that was the designer” she said.

It was this dress. Let’s judge her for not being in on the joke:

lichtenstein lisa perry


But this does raise one of my central concerns about wearing one of these prints, which is that, if it was actually inspired by anything, I wouldn’t know the history well enough to comment on it. I mean, the fact that some girl turned her body into a Lichtenstein billboard without even knowing who Lichtenstein was seems pretty dumb. But what if you bought, say, the Loopy dress and people wanted to talk in depth about Jeff Koons work? I can’t do that! I’m proud of myself for knowing that one particular reference! I worry that wearing a dress like this is a pretty deliberate conversation starter, and you will not necessarily be able to have the conversation it starts. So, that’s worry number one.

Worry number two is that, if you are spending a ton of money on a dress, you want to be able to wear it season after season. These kind of print dresses seem tied to a very specific season. They won’t move effortlessly from year to year, simply because they’re so memorable. Maybe that’s fine if you are the kind of 1%-er who likes to set your dresses on fire in a massive backyard ortolan and foie gras barbeque at the end of each year, but I don’t think anyone actually does that (if you do, you take the first tumbril, I’ll get the next one).

Worry number three is that you can’t wear a dress like this on a regular basis. I hold pretty strongly to the school of having, say, 7 excellent warm weather dresses that you just wear over and over. As long as they are simple and well cut you can shift around your accessories and no one will notice. Except when a dress has a massive cherry on top of it. Then they will notice. They will notice the hell out of that dress. Again, if you have an unlimited budget, and can buy all the dresses, that’s great, but if you have to save up and have a limited number, that’s a problem.

In conclusion, I bought the blue Balenciaga.

Let’s evaluate these cool dresses and think about whether they would have been infinitely better buys.