Going to visit your incarcerated lover? Not dressed like that, you aren’t! At least, not in New York. In an effort to de-sexify the visiting room environment, infamous prison Rikers Island has begun enforcing a ban on provocative clothing that applies to all visitors, . “These regulations are intended to ensure the safety and well-being of the inmate population, [Correction Department] staff and visitors,” department spokeswoman Sharman Stein told the New York Daily News. Safety from boners, that is.
They instituted the policy after jail supervisors noticed that female visitors were looking increasingly slatternly. They even caught a few couples getting handsy with each other in front of children in the visiting room. Won’t somebody please think of the children?!
While some people might think the solution to this problem is to treat the prisoners like human beings and let them visit with their lady friends, uh, properly, this is the U.S. prison system we’re talking about here. Why do that when you could just throw a giant green muumuu over the slutty female visitors? (Who, I should remind you, have not committed any crimes and are not breaking any laws by dressing sexily.) I am not making this up. Via the NYDN:
“I have to wear what?” the incredulous woman asked when a correction officer trotted out with her T-shirt. “You’re just trying to make me look bad in front of my man.” Then, as she reluctantly donned the shirt, she loudly complained about the time she spent fixing her makeup and hair. “Why’d I even bother?” she asked repeatedly.
This kind of bums me out, because seeing his lady friend done up all special just for him might be the best part of an inmate’s day or week. Then again, it probably sucks for the other prisoners to have to see scantily clad ladies at a time in their lives when they’re not allowed to mingle with the opposite sex. Seems like it just adds insult to injury.
Perhaps the only unequivocally positive thing to come out of this development is that Rikers has decided that leggings are not pants. At least they got that right.